


I Know

by Anthimeriate



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1951557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anthimeriate/pseuds/Anthimeriate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah and Cosima have been messing around for awhile, but does it really mean as little as they play it off?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know

**Author's Note:**

> My first finished work after a long break from fanfiction! I still feel a little rusty, but I'm glad to have finally finished something up all the same! Hope you enjoy. :)

It had started out innocently enough, or at least they had played it off that way. Sleeping in the same bed was comforting, and physical contact was a necessity of human life. And then hands started straying, touches got more intimate under the guise of curiosity. What was the same between them? What was different? What would it be like if they did? And hadn’t they been through enough that something like this wouldn’t really be that weird? Who could blame them, really? After all, they were fairly certain no human beings had ever had this sort of opportunity, not like this.

Somehow, the circumstances kept them from feeling too guilty about it. Either way, it’s not like Sarah and Cal had any sort of agreement, and it was just as well that Delphine wasn’t trying to contact Cosima anymore, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted anything to do with her after everything. Sarah and Cosima understood each other in a way no one else could, and could give each other comfort in ways that no one else bothered.

Originally, they had agreed it should be a one-time thing. They were truly alone, which was a rarity, and it had been awhile for each of them. They’d find out what it was like, satisfy their curiosity, and that would be that. The only problem was that it had been really, really good. And the first time just left the both of them wanting more.

“Well,” Cosima had said breathlessly, staring at the ceiling and not daring to glance in Sarah’s direction, “Now we know.”

“Yeah,” Sarah replied, sounding just as unsure as Cosima felt. “We certainly do.”

“Too weird?”

“Is it wrong I didn’t think it was weird at all?”

Cosima turned onto her side, finally meeting Sarah’s eyes. “Is it wrong I want to go again? For… science?”

The other woman broke into a smile, mischievous glint in her eyes. “For science, I’m sure.”

The longer it went on, the less the ‘for science’ argument held up, and the less they could play it off like it wasn’t anything but an experiment. Instead of waiting for times when they were alone, they began to seek them out, and although they both recognized it as quickly becoming a problem, neither wanted to admit to it and break the cycle. Even more, neither wanted to admit it might be something more than an easy lay and a way to blow off steam.

It was even harder to pretend they weren’t getting into true intimate relationship territory when the topic of sex toys was brought up.

“Hey, Cos?” Sarah asked, one morning, sliding a fresh mug of coffee over to her companion.

“Yeah?” the other woman replied distractedly, grabbing for the drink as she stared at her laptop.

“How do you feel about strap-ons?”

Cosima nearly spilled the coffee, steadying her hand just in time to avoid ruining her laptop.

“Shit Sarah, a little warning?” she swore, face flushing, glancing towards the couch where Kira still thankfully laid sleeping.

“She’s fast asleep, don’t worry, she had a long day yesterday,” the girl’s mother said dismissively, “And I don’t know what kind of warning I could give you. Just wondering.”

“I, uh… I approve?” Cosima ran her fingers through her hair, laughing awkwardly. “It’s been awhile. Since I was an undergrad, probably.”

“You and Delphine never…?”

“Oh God, no.” Her laugh turned less awkward. “She was… inexperienced, is the nice way to put it. To be honest, our relationship was kind of frustratingly vanilla in that area. Emphasis on the frustrating. And then I started dying, so…”

Cosima laughed, but Sarah’s face fell. “Cos…”

“No, no! It’s okay. I’m better now, yeah? No more dying, hopefully until we’re little old ladies. We’ve got Helena to thank for that, right?” She grinned reassuringly, pushing away her guilt at bringing up her illness, which Sarah was still sensitive about. She reached out, putting her hand over her clone’s. “I’m not going anywhere, remember?”

“Yeah, no, you’re right, I’m sorry,” Sarah said, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry I get so ridiculous.”

“It’s not ridiculous! It’s okay, really.” Cosima may have accepted the possibility of her own imminent death, but she’d already considered how she would feel if it had been Sarah instead, and she knows she would have been a lot less accepting. “Why don’t we go back to discussing toys, yeah?”

“Toys?” asked a small, sleepy voice, causing both women to whip their heads towards the couch, Kira’s blinking eyes meeting theirs. “Mommy, are you okay?”

Sarah hastily went over to her daughter, rubbing her eyes and kneeling down. “Yeah, Monkey. I’m okay.”

“Were you talking about Auntie Cosima being sick again?”

“Yeah, I was. But it’s okay. She’s better now.”

Kira nodded, giving her mother a hug, and Cosima rushed to change the subject. “So, you want some breakfast, kiddo?” The last thing she wanted to do was field any further questioning about toys.

Luckily, the distraction worked, at least in regards to the child. For the rest of the day, Cosima was having a pretty hard time distracting herself from her own thoughts. At first she’d been a bit blindsided by the question, but the more she thought about it the better it sounded.

At the same time, though, it scared her. Somehow this was pushing the boundary between something casual and meaningless and something more intentional. It was the first time either of them had even so much as hinted at their fooling around outside of it happening, even if they’d been silently planning their lives around stealing moments together. She’d been considering for weeks now that maybe she had even more intense feelings about all of this than she’d originally thought, and this was not helping.

She didn’t want to let herself believe that Sarah might feel the same way, because it seemed like the best way to suppress the feelings was to tell herself that the other woman would find them far too weird. She tried not to think about it too hard, because she knew this reasoning had a lot of holes in it, especially since Sarah’s behavior was far more clingy than hers was.

She hoped that maybe the feeling would pass over her, and that maybe Sarah would forget about the whole conversation, but she should have known she’d never be that lucky. That very evening Sarah strode into Felix’s flat, throwing her bag onto the couch next to her as she researched.

“Fee and Kira are hanging out with Mrs. S for tonight,” she announced, grinning. “He actually offered to take her there, I think maybe he’s onto us.”

Cosima grinned back, closing her laptop and setting it aside. If she’d had any plans on getting work done, she was okay that they were getting ruined. “Well, he seems to be quite aware of everything that goes on in here. At least he’s supportive?”

Quickly filling the space that the scientist had cleared, Sarah positioned herself onto her lap. “Well, I’m thankful for that,” she said, her voice low as she leaned in towards Cosima’s ear. “Want to mess around? I stopped at the store before I came over here.”

Cosima arched her back instinctively, relaxing into the couch. “The store?” she asked, intrigued.

Nipping her ear with a laugh, Sarah reached over to grab her bag. “Yeah. Since you said you approve, I would really like to fuck you.”

Cosima felt her breath catch. Somehow, this morning, she’d immediately assumed she’d be the one giving, not the one receiving. That’s how it had usually been in the past.

Sarah hopped off of her with a grin. “I’m going to take that reaction as a yes,” she said teasingly as she rummaged into her bag, pulling out her purchase and unceremoniously beginning to disrobe. 

“Um, yeah,” Cosima said, unable to do anything but stare. “You’re pretty eager. We’re jumping right in, just like that? Not even going to take me to dinner first?” It wasn’t the first time she’d made the joke, since they rarely gave themselves enough time to think too hard to back out whenever they found themselves alone.

“Very funny,” she replied, pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it onto the floor. “I’ve been thinking about this all day, Cos. So take off your clothes and get onto that bed. Unless you’re having second thoughts.”

Instead of making any more smart-ass comments she did as she was told, watching Sarah slip on the harness as she began to strip. She probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but the other woman situated herself with an ease that could only have come from experience. “You’ve done this before, I take it?”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “You know I’m experienced, how are you always surprised?”

Cosima laughed, crawling onto the bed, eyes never leaving her companion’s body. “Not surprised, just getting the story straight. I want to know what I’m up against.”

Sarah crawled onto the bed with her, adjusting the harness one last time and setting a bottle of lube onto the bedside table. She looked the other woman up and down, taking her in. “I think you already know what you’re up against."

“I do. You look like you want to eat me alive.”

She laughed, crawling on top of her. “Well, maybe if there’s a round two.”

The end of the dildo pressing lightly into her stomach, Cosima couldn’t help but arch again. “If? There’s usually at least a round three lately. Don’t short me now.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m just getting started.”

Sarah leaned down, capturing Cosima’s lips with her own. Despite all her talk and her rush to get undressed, the kiss began soft, and the scientist sighed beneath her. They had fucked nearly a dozen times by then, but the kissing was a newer development, and the intimacy of it still didn’t fail to hit Cosima hard. Bringing her hands up to the other woman’s hair, she pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. 

If her reaction was any indication, the kissing was still new and exciting to Sarah, too, who groaned against her mouth and pressed her hips downward. “Fuck,” she breathed as she pulled away, only once she was completely out of breath, nipping along Cosima’s jawline before lowering herself down to her chest. 

Hands still in her hair, Cosima guided Sarah’s mouth, hissing as teeth scraped against her nipple. The combination of the breath against her and the constant reminder of the toy pressing into her navel was driving her crazier than she thought it could have.

“Please,” she gasped as Sarah’s mouth met her other breast, “Don’t keep me waiting this time.”

Sarah lingered for a moment, and Cosima could feel her smiling against her skin. When she finally pulled away, she had a full grin. “Oh? Now who’s eager? You never want it this fast.” She purposefully rocked the toy against her, enjoying the whimper she got in return before reaching over to the bedside table. 

Cosima’s eyes trailed her with clear interested. “Let me do it,” she said, taking the lube out of Sarah’s hands before she could protest.

She wouldn’t have dreamed of protesting, however, mouth dropping open as she watched her partner apply the lubricant to her palm before deftly wrapping her fingers around the dildo. She gasped as Cosima stroked the toy up and down, eyes flicking between her partner’s and her hand. She’d never pegged herself as the type that could get turned on by something like this, but she certainly wasn’t complaining.

It was Cosima’s turn to grin now, liberally lubing the toy and reveling in every noise she coaxed out of Sarah. With a raise of her eyebrows she finally let go, slipping her hand between her own legs to prepare herself.

Once Cosima settled back and made herself comfortable, Sarah moved to position herself between the other woman’s legs, suddenly feeling hesitant. “Are you sure this is okay?”

Cosima nodded. “I’m absolutely sure,” she said, bringing her hands up to Sarah’s hips and spreading her legs a little wider. 

Sighing and trying to release some of her nerves, Sarah reached between their legs to position the toy, carefully pressing her hips forward until they met Cosima’s. The woman beneath responded with stilted moan, fingernails pressing into her skin. “Oh, god.”

Cosima’s eyes had snapped closed automatically, and she opened them up again as she took a deep breath. Sarah was waiting, hands holding herself up as she stared down at her partner. This was a lot more intimate than she’d really been expecting it to be. “Shit, Cos,” she whispered, arms trembling a bit.

Fighting the urge to rock upwards, Cosima shifted her hands up to Sarah’s face. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” she replied, laughing nervously. “This is just really…” She couldn’t quite find the words, at least not any that didn’t sound tacky. What could she say, I came here to fuck you but now this feels like, what, ‘making love’ to you?

Luckily, she didn’t have to try to explain herself. “I know,” Cosima said, smiling up at her, and Sarah instinctively knew that she truly understood. “But I’m okay with it if you are.”

She nodded silently, allowing the woman underneath her to pull her in closer. As Cosima brought their lips together she also shifted her hips, whimpering against the kiss. And that was all the more encouragement she needed to slowly pull back and press back in.

It wasn’t as if the scientist had never made noises before. Sarah was always acutely aware of how well she was doing based on oral responses. But Cosima had never gasped against her mouth quite like this, had never rocked up against her quite in the same way before. It was intoxicating, and she had no consciousness left to fight the feeling with.

She continued working the toy in and out of her partner slowly, finally pulling away from their kisses and settling her mouth against Cosima’s neck. She nipped and kissed lightly, careful not to leave any lasting marks, her own small moans betraying just how much the other woman’s pleasure was affecting her.

“Sarah...” The words were whimpered into her ear, desperation clear. “Faster. Please.”

She wasn’t sure if she could have denied the request even if she wanted to, hips picking up speed almost instantly. “Fuck, Cos, you’re so sexy like this,” she breathed, any sense of a filter gone. Luckily the words only made her lover shudder, hands moving to grip tightly against her back, hips rolling to meet her thrusts.

Sarah lifted her head, needing to watch the expressions on the other woman’s face. Cosima struggled to keep her eyes focused, fingernails digging harder into her skin. “Shit,” she gasped. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Oh, fuck...”

Fighting a losing battle, the scientist’s eyes rolled back and slipped closed. She began to tremble beneath her, and Sarah knew by now it was a sure sign she was close.

Not wanting to let her down, she didn’t stop, but she did slow down again, wanting to draw this out. Cosima let out a nearly pained noise of frustration, nearly vibrating beneath her. “Oh Jesus, Sarah, why are you… Oh fucking… Oh my God…”

Sarah was acutely aware of exactly how wet this whole thing was making her, trying desperately to ignore the pulsing between her legs and control the smooth motion of her thrusts as Cosima began to peak underneath her. It seemed to build for ages, her babbling giving way to gasping cries, finally coming with a sharp jerk of her hips upwards.

Sarah gave a few more slow thrusts before pulling out, dropping to press against the still-shuddering woman’s side. 

As soon as she was able, Cosima shifted onto her side, arm weakly draping over her partner’s waist. “Holy shit,” she finally gasped, eyes blinking open. “Shit. That was… That was… yeah.”

“Tell me about it,” Sarah laughed, “You’re the one that came, but I’ve got a goddamn lake between my legs.”

The words seemed to give Cosima strength, and she shifted again, propping herself up on one arm and beginning to undo the straps at Sarah’s hip with her other hand. Not even bothering to do anything but loosen them, she pushed Sarah onto her back and slipped her hand underneath the toy and straight between her thighs.

“You aren’t kidding about that lake,” she said, slipping two fingers into her partner’s wetness. “All this just from pleasing me?”

Sarah groaned, both from the sensation and Cosima’s tone. “Yes,” she hissed through gritted teeth, “Don’t tease.”

“Oh, you don’t want me to tease, but it was okay when you did it?” Cosima laughed, beginning to thrust her fingers into Sarah. “You’re lucky I like you.”

The response was immediate. “Oh, my God. Just… Fucking hell,” she swore, gasping. If the scientist was impressed before, she was even more impressed now, seeing just how close her lover already was with barely any effort.

Rocking her hand upwards, she decided to see just how fast she could bring Sarah to orgasm. The answer turned out to be amazingly fast, the woman next to her letting out a strangled cry and shuddering with release after only a few strokes of her fingers. She wasn’t kidding about being turned on by their previous activity.

Pulling her hand out from between Sarah’s legs, Cosima settled in next to her, closing her eyes and waiting for the aftershocks to pass. She listened as Sarah’s breathing slowed back down, evening out to a calm rhythm. 

They both stayed quiet, each afraid of breaking the atmosphere that still lay between them. It had all seemed fine in the moment, but what if there were regrets now?

Cosima had nearly lost hope that she wouldn’t have to be the one to say anything when Sarah’s voice finally broke the silence.

“Cos?”

“Yeah?”

“What are we?”

She’d been wondering enough herself. She wished she knew, but knew she couldn’t answer that alone. “I… I don’t know.”

“But do you know that… That I…” Her words faltered, and then halted, her uncertainty hanging between them.

“I know,” she said, threading her fingers into Sarah’s and squeezing. “I mean, I think I know. We’ll figure this out.”

“Okay,” Sarah responded, and the woman beside her could feel as her muscles relaxed. “I just don’t want to lose you.”

Cosima wrapped her arms around her, and pulled her closer. “You won’t. I promise.”


End file.
